Sunday, June 26, 2011


I'm going to confess something terrible. Ready? I miss binging. I really do. I miss being able to thoughtlessly eat and eat and eat. I miss the full feeling. I miss the way my mind would get quiet during a binge. I miss all of it.

I realized this today when I was having lunch with the family. The kids wanted pizza, so we went to our favorite place. I had a side salad, a water, and a slice of Hawaiian. And to be honest, I wanted to eat every slice in that store.

It's so weird to realize that really, I have been addicted to food. Or really, that I AM addicted to food.

Anyway, I didn't binge. I made good decisions. I did 30 min on the elliptical and did strength training for arms/shoulders today. I felt capable and like I knew what I was doing.

But I still miss binging.


  1. I can relate with that. Sometimes I miss this feeling of "Oh my gods, I cannot move!" after a huge meal. I started cooking only three servings per meal (one for the BF, one for me and one for the BF to take to work the next day), since we both tend to eat until everything is gone. (I am a great cook. ^^ ) Sometimes I will make myself a huge cup of coffee after dinner, which appears to satisfy this special part of my memory... And if I feel like I *must* (read: Really, really want to) stuff myself, I make something which is absolutely harmless, calorie-wise - like lentil stew. ^^

  2. I love (and I do mean love) me some binging. I wrote something about it not long ago. But - I learned a little insight from Dr. Laura Berman that I carry over to my binging.
    Dr. Laura (who is a sex therapist) was talking to a guy who thought he was addicted to porn. If I had just saw his story, I would have been like Oh yeah - guy is addicted to porn. She says, though, that he isn't. That you need to have the addiction (in our case food) impinging on every aspect of your life, to where you can't keep a job, relationships, etc.
    She says that he just uses porn as a coping mechanism, for emotions. Good or bad emotions.
    Anyway, long story short, haha, don't feel down on yourself, its not an addiction.
    It's crazy when I watch these shows about OCD and sex therapy and whatnot, I realize that every issue (OCD, weight, Sex) usually stems back to emotions.
    Wow, long comment, sorry. <3 ya!

  3. I get what you mean. Totally. That's why there are times I'll eat half of my weekly "party points" as I call them in one evening because I do want more pizza or something else. But I HAVE to get back on track or I will just fall off the wagon again. It's true when they say one can be addicted to food, I know I am. While it may sound silly to say I know how a drug addict feels like sometimes, just gotta have more sugar(!!!), but I think that's the only way to explain it to someone who doesn't know what I'm talking about. Food is my comfort but slowly I'm trying to change that.